Points On A Map

The girl sat with the map unfolded in front of her.  Her journey leading to her current point marked carefully in red.  The marks were not straight lines, but a combination of zigs crossing zags and loop de loops.  The progress she had made was great and she took small comfort in the ground she had covered.  But she still had a ways to go and her next move was uncertain.  Her sense of direction was unreliable at best and all ways held promise.  The fact that she had stopped and pulled out the map at all was interesting as it always caused her memories from the past to bubble up.  Literally.  The map was funny that way.  And as they floated and danced in front of her, all she had to do was reach out and pop one to send herself catapulting back in time.  As you can imagine that caused a slight delay in her journey.  The bubbles were so very hard to resist.  Some were bright and shiny, some dark and gloomy, some colorful, some iridescent.  And almost on cue, she raised her hand, finger extended, to a large, oddly shaped bubble and POP!

Int. Dining Room - Night

A family sits at the table eating dinner,  MOTHER, FATHER, DAUGHTER, SON. An awkward blanket of silence fills the room.  The family eats.  PPPPFFFFFFFFFFTTT!!!  Father farts.  Mother pauses, glaring at father then continues eating.  Daughter and Son stifle smiles.  They continue eating.  PPPPFFFFFFTTT!!!  Father farts again.  Mother slams down her silverware.

                                                    MOTHER
                                       Enough!!! There is Gas-X
                                       in the bathroom if you need it.

Daughter and Son exchange glances, trying not to laugh.

                                                    FATHER
                                       It doesn't bother me.  I like to fart.
                                       Why? Do you have a problem?

The children loose it and laugh as Mother stomps out of the dining room.  The sound of dishes crashing in the other room is heard.

End Bubble

The girl laughed until she cried.  She slowly folded up the map as the bubbles started to float higher and higher out of her reach.  She smiled to herself as she put the map back in her coat pocket.  She held out her arm and spun in a circle until she lost her balance and fell.  Her eyes open.  She points to the North.  Or was it the West?

Even As They Fall

I love apples.  Crisp, sweet, delicious.  Ambrosia, Golden Delicious,  Honey Crisp, Maiden's Blush.  It's no wonder Eve took a bite.  And I don't blame Snow White one bit, either.  I mean let's get real.  The Garden of Eden was probably Bo-Ring!  I like camping as much as the next girl, but naming animals and hanging out with Adam day in and day out???  All while being taunted with shiny, bright "forbidden" fruit?  She lasted a lot longer that I would  have.  And sure Snow White had to spend a little time in a coma, but the outcome was well worth it.  Can you imagine picking up after 7 dudes with short man complexes???  That hag did her a favor.  So it looks like that old saying, "An apple a day keeps a girl from ending up barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen" (or something to that effect) is true.  Any way you slice it,  apples are pretty awesome.

But Their Intentions Are Clear

A few months ago, I made the decision to cut red meat out of my life.  And I had never really got an inside peek at what vegetarians really go through.  And how in the hell do Vegans eat out at all?!?  I ordered corn chowder the other day and didn't even think twice about it.  Corn equals vegetable which equals no worries, right?  Wrong.  I forgot that everything is better with bacon!  Shit. 

And of course, my smart-girl self had to cut out red meat right before coming home for the holidays.  Have you met my family???  Can we say Car-ni-vores?  It's basically like a cow living with a trio of T-rexes.  The minute I said I no longer ate red meat, I could see my family sizing me up.  Like I was getting weak and they could take me down and devour me if need be (which, I might add, has made me pretty nervous here in Elko.  The temperature has been pretty cold at night.  If there was a freeze in, I wouldn't last the week).  My Dad cooked some Elk meat the other night and wanted me to at least "try a bite."  I said, "Sorry, Dad. I don't eat red meat."  And he said, "Elk is really lean."  You're right Dad, it is.  But it's also really red.  And let's not get started on my brother.  He has always thought he had an evolutionary advantage over me and I basically just confirmed it in his book.  He said to me, "You're not going to turn into one of those vegetarian pussies, are you?"  Oh.  Not in this crowd, cupcake, not in this crowd.