But Their Intentions Are Clear

A few months ago, I made the decision to cut red meat out of my life.  And I had never really got an inside peek at what vegetarians really go through.  And how in the hell do Vegans eat out at all?!?  I ordered corn chowder the other day and didn't even think twice about it.  Corn equals vegetable which equals no worries, right?  Wrong.  I forgot that everything is better with bacon!  Shit. 

And of course, my smart-girl self had to cut out red meat right before coming home for the holidays.  Have you met my family???  Can we say Car-ni-vores?  It's basically like a cow living with a trio of T-rexes.  The minute I said I no longer ate red meat, I could see my family sizing me up.  Like I was getting weak and they could take me down and devour me if need be (which, I might add, has made me pretty nervous here in Elko.  The temperature has been pretty cold at night.  If there was a freeze in, I wouldn't last the week).  My Dad cooked some Elk meat the other night and wanted me to at least "try a bite."  I said, "Sorry, Dad. I don't eat red meat."  And he said, "Elk is really lean."  You're right Dad, it is.  But it's also really red.  And let's not get started on my brother.  He has always thought he had an evolutionary advantage over me and I basically just confirmed it in his book.  He said to me, "You're not going to turn into one of those vegetarian pussies, are you?"  Oh.  Not in this crowd, cupcake, not in this crowd.