I joined a gym. This isn't the first time, but it's the first time I've seriously used my membership. Gyms are intimidating as hell. Especially to chubby girls, like me. The machines, the beautiful people, the mirrors (they're everywhere), it's a lot to take in. I've always started out with good intentions, but I always end up feeling ridiculous or too silly to ask for help. But I guess I've finally gotten to the point that getting in shape is more important to me than caring if I look a little ridiculous. The good news is, after two months, I have some insight into gym culture. I will let you all in on what I've figured out so far.
So we all know the stereotype of the Meat Head. The ripped, protein-shake chugging, beef cakes that look pretty hot until they open their mouths. They're there, but I don't find them nearly as interesting as the girls that go to the gym to meat these assholes. I never really believed that girls (in full make-up and hair all gussied up) went to the gym and just half-assed it so they could meet guys until I witnessed it first hand. These girls look amazing. I will give them that. But it's not because they work out. They come in packs. And they usually stick to the stationary bikes so they can sort of pedal a bit, but they are there to watch the Meatheads. I guess it's the gym version of a Snow Bunny. I don't know, and it baffles me. They don't come everyday. Mostly on the weekends and you can't miss them because they're giggly as hell.
Next, we have the weekday morning aerobics classes. Cue the housewives. This crowd is pretty obvious. They only come during the week and to classes that happen while the kids are at school. A pretty fit group. A little gossipy, but it makes me laugh. These classes are my favorite, because they are the least crowded and let's face it, Moms are nice and I don't feel like they're sizing me up. Haha.
Oooooh! And let's not forget the Cougars. These huntresses have to stay in shape. Young, virile men aren't looking to get Couged by an older lady that isn't sexy as hell. And these women know it. I've been in the middle of some serious Cougar chats at the gym and you dudes don't know what the hell you're getting yourself into. These women are professionals. They are going to eat you alive. And I'm gonna sit back and watch the show. I think it's fascinating. Maybe I should be shooting a documentary on this shit. I do know these women can run circles around me. While I'm sweating gallons, deep breathing, and turning bright red like a freakin' cherry tomato, these babes are slightly glistening and preparing for the prowl. It's good to have something to look forward to if I get my ass in gear...
Then there's my peeps. People that actually need to be at the gym and they waited a bit too long before realizing it. We're easy to spot. Bright red, dripping with sweat, gritting our teeth. I want to high five all of them. It takes a lot of guts to get started and I'm proud of us. Haha.
Okay so maybe I really only talked about the different groups of women at the gym. Truth is I try not to check out guys at the gym. I'm already intimidated as hell being there. And the last thing I want to to do is draw any attention to my super sweat drenched self. It's not cool at all and I really am not at the gym to meet dudes. I think I would start to lose my nerve if I thought I had to make eye contact or even talk to the men at the gym. Maybe once I get over this phobia, I can break them down more for you. The only guy I can really talk about is the one in my Zumba class and his girlfriend makes him go. So there are two things I can write: I feel sorry for him (especially since he is the only male and the instructor makes him come up on stage every time) and that he is a way better dancer than I am (which is kind of sad).
I think I've ranted enough about the gym. Feel free to ask questions! I am a fountain of info. Haha.
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