Sparkle, sparkle, little bat

I like spider plants.  They're interesting.  With tons of "little baby" plants hanging from them, just waiting for the opportunity to grow on their own.  Pretty cool.  I actually like real spiders as well.  People have a tendency to freak out when they see them.  I don't get it.  I think they're quite beautiful.  And beneficial.  They kill insects that spread disease like mosquitoes and flies.  I think they get a bad wrap from black widows.  Insect or not, we should all be wary of creatures that kill their mates.  And what would have happened to Wilbur in Charlotte's Web if it weren't for that crafty spider friend of his, Charlotte??? 


I guess the lesson here is that just because something looks scary doesn't necessarily mean that it is.  Take that old German guy on Monster Squad for example.  He was creepy as hell, but he ended up holding the key to sending all the monster's back through the black hole.  This does not apply to Carrot Top.  He looks scary as hell and I have yet to find any evidence to the contrary.  Maybe the lesson is null and void now that I think about it.  Some scary things are cool, but some, well, aren't.  Feel free to pick and choose at your discretion.

And They Don't Have To Worry About Wrinkles

Okay. I admit it. I am turning 30 in two short months.  If I had attempted to talk about this even two months ago, I would have started hyperventilating.  Why, you ask?  I had to stop and think about that one.  It isn't the mortality factor.  I'm not afraid of dying and I've been a firm believer for sometime that there are things in this world far, far worse than death.  It's really not an aging issue.  I still look like I'm 12.  I don't regret my 20's.  I had fun,  I learned a lot, but I wouldn't want to repeat them if given the option right now.  So what in the hell could be causing my freak out??? 

It can all really be explained by how I was looking at it.  I was so overwhelmed with the negatives that I didn't even bother to look at the good stuff.  What a jack ass.  Sure I'm not where I want to be exactly career wise, I don't have a family, blah, blah, blah.  Who give's a fuck?  I have the support to follow my dream, I have the most awesome, loving, supportive Mother in the world, bad ass friends and family, and a sweet apartment that I love with a roommate I can live in complete harmony with.  My life is pretty rad.  And once I said that outloud, my crisis over the big 3-0 has completely diappeared. 

So bring it on, 2011.  I'm ready.

Reflections of Color

I remember asking my Mom what her favorite color was when I was little and she would say, "I don't have a favorite color, I like them all."  My brother and I could not accept that answer and we would make her pick one and then we would tell her what our favorite colors were.  I now know exactly what my Mom was talking about now.  I can't pick.  My favorite color depends on my mood, but I love them all.  I have a preference for black, but more so how it's complete absence of color makes everything pop out in brilliant vibrance.

Red makes me think of blood, flowers, sexy lips, and Raphael (the ninja turtle).  Green reminds me of my Mom (her yard - she has the most amazing talent with plants),  tall trees, Green Man, and monster skin.  Yellow makes me laugh with it's bright loving rays.  I think of daffodils and their awkward grace.  Blue, deep and dark before a storm.  Pink and Orange mix in a Nevada sunset that makes me catch my breath.  Purple, deep and rich and royal.  Brown the thick luxury of earth's soil or the smell of a great cup of coffee.  All of them make me smile and I find it impossible to choose just one.

Moments of Clarity

This is a story I wrote based on a dream I had.  It was a strong dream that I felt compelled to share.  Take from it what you will:

I have this room that I go to.  My place across all time and space. It's more of a cave, really.  And beautiful.  It sits just under the surface of the sea and there is a huge crystal window that allows the light to filter through the water in delicate, wavy rays.  It is calm and safe.  Rather than dark and damp, this room is cool and inviting, covered in spongey, soft moss.  This makes the room a soft, loving green.  It has a huge ledge, a window seat of sorts, next to the crystal window where I like to sit and think and watch the creatures of the sea.  Sometimes I am there alone, sometimes not.

On this day, though, I find myself sitting across from Archangel Lucifer. There is no fear, only love.  Angels are described as blindingly beautiful creatures, and Lucifer is no different.  He has wings of a rich, deep purple, dark and lovely and almost black.  But it's his eyes that make me catch my breath.  They are so dark and deep and they speak volumes to me without even a word uttered.  And I know with every fiber of my being that we are friends and have been across the span of ages. I know this, yet I am only consciously aware of my last 20 some years.  I look at him with his grace, beauty, and love and I become sad.

He asks me, "What's troubling you, Brandy?"

I think for a moment and reply, "I've heard things about you, Lucifer. They say you've fallen."

He leans his head back and laughs.  A deep belly laugh that fills the room and I can't help but be put a little more at ease, finding myself grinning through my concern.

He replies, "And what do you feel? Here." He points to my heart.

"That can't be true," I smile.

"Exactly.  Lucifer. It means "Light of God." God's light can't fall."  He grabs my hand and I sigh in relief, knowing it to be true.

"They say your sin is Pride," I whisper.

Again, he smiles and says to me, "That is not my sin, but the sin of man I carry.  Humans are capable of great good and great evil.  But rather than recognize and accept that in themselves, they needed an outside force to blame for the bad."

I am humbled and I reply, "That is a huge burden to carry."

He squeezes my hand and says, "I carry it gladly in hopes that it will help humanity move out of darkness and into a place of only light and love."

Light of God.  I am relieved and I know that he looks after those who are lost and I say so.

"Yes.  If you feel lost, you only need to call on me and I will light your way," he answers.

I feel happy in the knowledge that I have just gained and I lean my head on his shoulder as we sit in the silence that friends that have known each other for ages can comfortably do and soak in the sun as it filters into my cave through the water.