Like This Dream

I knew this moment would come someday.  It's the unspoken part of the job description.  That's the problem with being on the inside, you become a liability.  And I didn't just slightly mess up here, I'd fucked up bad.  The worst part was I knew it would be up to him to clean up my mess and take out the trash.  The trash being me.  Knowing it was him, I panicked and ran.  He complicated things.  I couldn't just gracefully look him in the eye and accept my fate.  I was afraid he would actually be able to do it.  Shit, I knew he could that's part of why I fell for him.  If he pulled the trigger, my heart would break.  And that, I couldn't handle.  So I did the cowardly thing and bolted.

I went to the only place I knew.  Home.  I didn't lock the door or turn on any lights.  I just slowly slumped down to the floor next to the refrigerator and waited.  I knew when he entered my house.  He didn't make a sound, he never does.  It was his smell. Man. Spice. Honey.  Instantly my stomach exploded with the fluttering of a thousand butterflies.  My heart raced.  He came directly into the kitchen and sat on a chair.  I couldn't see his face.  "You ran," he said.  His voice thick with hurt. I peeked around the table and the hurt in his glittering black eyes knocked the breath out of me.

The phone rang.  I got up and slowly walked to it, thankful for the interruption.  "Hello," I said as I walked toward him.  "You're home?" the voice asked as I reached out and touched his neck.  I couldn't help it.  I was desperate for the contact.  He didn't turn.  "Hello?" the voice asked.  "Yes," I replied in a whisper. "Stay put.  We're bringing you in." Click.  Silence. I slowly hung up the phone.

"I know what you've got to do," I whispered as I slowly ran my fingers through his hair.  He finally turned and looked at me. He stood up from the chair and pulled me hard against him.  His kiss was rough and demanding.  He steered me toward the patio and ripped off my shirt as he pushed me outside.  "I can't wait.  I need you now."  I knew he could still do it.  Even during the very act of making love and I didn't care.  As he pulled away from me to remove his clothes, the dreary morning crept around me like a cool blanket and I shivered.  My body was cold with craving until he slammed back into me.  I didn't care about anything in that moment.  Not my neighbors, my future, my life.  He was pushing me closer and closer to a heaven I was no longer sure existed.  And then I realized we'd passed the point where he could finish the job. Together, we only had one option: run.